God is always great and God is great always

It starts like this, uneventful as it seems.  "Let's try a new church this morning."  Okay, I am not the best with observing, cataloging and processing subtle signals.  I am much better with explicit and spoken messages.

However, in this case, ever since we have gotten married, we have been in a kind of flux about our church home.  When it works, it is clear and obvious.  When there are questions and disagreements, it is clear and obvious.  We had a church home, we spent quite some time working on finding a new home, then went back to our original church home.

We have wonderful friends there.  The church is full of people we like, that have prayed fervently and frequently for us, and encouraged us personally in all ways.  But, it was not fitting the union that we had become when we got married.

We searched and searched, many denominations, many kinds of services and many kinds of congregations.  We tried small churches, big churches, modern services, traditional services, highly dogmatic churches and non-denominational churches.  Nothing really fit us, in the union that we became when God called us to marry.

All of these places were good places, populated with good people serving the Lord in good ways.  But, it is like many other aspects of life, you know it when you know it.  We had started our search with only a couple of things off limits.  We were not going to a Catholic Church, as God has not worked a miracle of forgiveness or reconciliation within me for that organization.  And we were not going to C3.  I had tried it when first I moved to North Carolina, and it had put me off.

So, to C3 we went.  We found that the passion and energy were attractive to us.  The music is loud, but music we both enjoy.  (Hey, I am getting old, and I no longer enjoy turning it up to 11, and there is no Saint Tuppins, the patron saint of shoes)  We were greeted by folks that made us at ease.  We stood and worshipped, listened to inspiring teaching that touched us both.

We have prayed about it for the better part of 2 weeks.  We have discussed it.  Finally, I figured that the Holy Spirit would make it clear to me today.  I would go and listen to the Discovery program, which is the introductory class that they hold, and I would know.  Pastor Matt and his wife were not there, they are in Africa breaking ground on a church plant there.  But, even through the video that outlined what the church stood for, believed, taught and expected, I felt convicted.

It sunk deeply into me.  Not that I had not heard these same things in other churches, nor that I had never had a close relationship with the Lord.  The heavens did not open, nor did the hosts sing.  But, it touched me about subjects that have been concerning me.  It said things that I believe from my study and my inspiration from the spirit.  More importantly, as we drove home, we had both been convicted by the same things in the message for the same reasons.

We felt confident, and sure.  If you are not a Christian, you may not understand what I am relating here.  But, it has always been my experience that the Holy Spirit communicated directly with me, in messages that were much clearer than the Father or the Son.  I have never heard the voice of God, but I have received the Word and instruction of God.  In this case, I did deeply.  And, I am not going to doubt or wonder.

We are excited, enthused and at peace.  Nothing wrong or bad happened to us at our previous church.  The people were not rude or abusive to us.  The teaching was not inaccurate or at odds with my beliefs.  The Pastor of that church is a very, very dear friend of mine, and a convicted man of God that I respect deeply.

But, when you marry, you are no longer only you.  You become a part of the union that we are taught is one flesh, one in the presence of God.  A church home has to be right and be engaging to both parts of that union of a marriage.  And, when you find it, is clear and evident.  I pray every day that God continues to make me the man I should be to be the spiritual head and leader of this family, and the competent, supportive and encouraging partner my wife needs.  We concluded together that this is where we intend to root and grow the tree that represents our faith journey.

To do that, I have chosen to be baptized again.  C3 recognizes immersion as an "adult" as the true baptism.  I will need the ministerial staff to help me with why that is Biblical, as I was baptized as a baby, and confirmed in my faith in 8th grade.  However, I intend to do it, to affirm my dedication.  Sometimes you have to trust in faith, before you find in fact.

I will be inviting our friends to attend and be with Katrina and I when this happens.  I don't know when yet.  But, it is a very big step, this decision and commitment that we made together tonight.  And I want that to be evident in my life and my actions.  I also want to share the joy and promise of the Baptism I partake of, with the people that I love.

So, tonight, for no reason that relates to the date, God did something monumental in Trina and I's life.  We have friends that we have been praying for that found out yesterday were expecting a child.  We had good news from one of our kids about finding the job that he has wanted and worked for.  One of our other kids is being pursued by two different organizations for the career that he has worked diligently for years to realize.

God is very, very good.  Malachi 3:10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse....Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

This is usually associated with tithing and money/treasure.  But it also applies to love and faith.  If you offer your first fruit to the Lord, and share the Lord, His message, and His peace, you will be rewarded with the answered prayers, hopes and desires that are dearest to your heart.  Trina and I are clear example of that, and our life together has been a road of continued blessing.

We pray that is also your experience.  We, so I too, love you all.

I almost passed out.

I try not to post a lot of stuff about my own, personal condition.  It always sounds like whining when I am whining and I have not figured out how to fix that.  But, today, what is really on my mind is my personal, physical condition.

I have come to realize that I did not think this whole getting older thing through, at any point previously.  I am going to rejoice, praising the Lord when He calls me home.  But, while that will be much better than this life here, I also believe that you are supposed to live happy and rest and trust in the Lord.

So, I am not sorry to see myself manage additional birthdays.  What I am is pissed off.  I don't know about any of the rest of you, but I did not believe any of the old people that told me getting old sucked.  And none of them managed to make me understand them.  Honestly, I think there is a shocking issue with work ethic here.  This was important, and it just did not get done.

Now, I am in it, with no getting out of it.  Pretty ridiculous process too.  Time passes and crap just happens to you, for no good reason.  I mean, I did not kick a puppy or rob a church.  My knee just broke cause it broke.  How fair is that? And, how do you avoid the other stuff coming?  There is nothing fair about this, which confirms what I have told my children over and over.  The only fair in this world is the one that has livestock shows and blue ribbons.  Why couldn't I have been wrong about that?

You know what else, it is fricking painful.  Look, I am not Superman, no really, I am not.  I am also not bionic.  So when they cut into my leg and used a block and tackle to string a chain through the bones in my leg, it plain hurts.  Non stop.  What kind of deal is that?  For what my insurance carrier paid for this, I should be hearing that Bionic Man music every time I get up.  Instead I am hearing crappy German opera music, or my screaming, I always confuse the two.  The pills are not pain killers.

Let's set this record straight, right here, right now.  These things don't KILL the pain.  No, they make you crazy stupid high so that you don't  care about the pain.  That mess is still just a big ole pile of painful, but you look at it and shrug.  You think to yourself, "Dude, when your prescription runs out, and you care, it is going to suck."  It already sucks.  And save me the whole sob story about how much worse it was back in the day.  Just shut that up right now, and think about why you did not tell me AHEAD OF TIME.

I almost passed out today at the doctor.  What shreds of delusional masculline "toughness" I mmight have possessed at one point is just gone.  It was not that it made me queasy, or grossed me out.  It really was not that bad looking.  But, one of the stitches that was ready to come out disagreed strongly with the PA that pronounced it ready to come out.  When the nurse goes to get the PA because she can't get it out, just leave it in for a few more days.  I am telling you AHEAD OF TIME. Make another appointment.  Trust me.

It also was terrifying.  When that nurse grabbed my foot to reposition my leg, with all of the bandages removed, I got terrified.  I mean to tell you, it would have been possible for that petite and cheerful person to wring my foot off of my leg.  Nothing in my knee had enough structure to even make it challenging for her.  Oh, and let me say that I also have realized that nerves run through your knee area.  I am not into anatomy, but I am positive it is true.  The pain from rotating that foot millimeters was at the level I imagine castration without anesthesia to be.

So, I got faint.  Like a 4 year old girl, and being old, I couldn't even play it off.  "I am fine." I scoffed with a snort.  My wife, the nurse and the PA then described the state of my color, the gigantic beads of sweat rolling down my face, and the more than usual vacant stare.  You know what I did?  You know what this broken, degraded and miserable body responded to that challenge with?  I collapsed back onto the exam table like Scarlett OHara onto a fainting couch.  I folded like laundry.  It was pitiful, just pitiful.

I am old, in pain, collapsed on my butt like a little baby, and staring at the ceiling wondering if a bright light will appear.  Melodramatic?   Screw you, I am doing a public service.  Don't ignore me, getting old is horrible.  Do it slowly and with purpose.

I mean it, that game of football, in the sand, that was supposed to be touch, but ended up being the Pro Bowl, yeah, that will not be funny in 20 years.  Your knee swelled up like a basketball, yeah, it is not healed because the swelling goes down.  That clicking noise your joint is making, yeah, it is not a good sign.  That mileage you ran, just to run, yeah, it looked the same as it would riding in your car.

Take care of yourself.  I mean it.  This is just ridiculous.  Nothing in the Bible warns you about getting tangled up with Orthopaedic doctors or chiropractors.  It is a serious omission.  Dealing with them is invariably painful and long term in consequences.  Be aware.  Those old farts you laugh at, yeah, just laugh.  Before you know it, you will be that old fart.  Pain medicine is no substitute for not living in pain.  It doesn't work that way.

I am hoping that you are all well.  Cause not being well sucks.  I did actually look better than Tom Cruise playing volleyball in the sand.  That is what I have to show for laying here with 5 holes in my leg and rubber for muscles.  It was not worth it.  Cause, the guy playing with me, Goose, yeah, he wasn't even any good.  We lost every game.

Love you all.

Why do you have to stain my heritage?

I do not fly the "Rebel Flag" nor do I think it should be flown from any institution of government or civil function.  However, I do think that it has a place flying over monuments to the Civil War soldiers that fought under that flag.  And there is nothing wrong in Confederate monuments, they are part of our history.

There is no revision to history that reconciles slavery and bigotry to the American Dream.  They have both existed together and in opposition since the leanings toward separation from Great Britain began to gather steam after the French and Indian Wars.  Consistently, three Presidents are listed as the greatest in the history of the nation.  Washington, Lincoln and FDR are generally listed, and usually in that order.  One owned slaves, one used slavery and its dissolution as an economic tool of war, and the last was woefully short on civil rights, given all of the other extreme positions he took.

So, even within the pantheon of America, there is no genuine, untainted hero.  Nor, will there ever be.  We are all human and possess a limitless ability to pervert and corrupt the world around us.  We don't all do that all the time, but all of us have done it at one time or another.

My family, at least as far as documentation allows, came from and supported the South.  Every male of age during the Civil War that I can identify, fought for the Confederacy.  Some of them gave their lives during the War.  Some of them served the entire War, despite injury and privation.  Some of them deserted and were, shall we say, less than honorable about circumstances.  In this regard, my family is like many others.

Where I have a problem is that this argument over a flag that was, truthfully, not a very significant banner during the War, is not about propriety and place.  It is about connotation and symbolism.  Every flag has its champions and its detractors.  But, before I was born, and all during my life, this flag, the "Rebel Flag", has been used for things I do not support.  Every other flag in our nation, including Old Glory, has been as well.  However, there is an issue that I have to pick at with some people.

There is this massive outcry of undying patriotism, how American it is to fly this Rebel Flag.  "No one can make me take it down!"  And, I applaud the protective stance of free speech.  However, when it is then followed by how it is about heritage, and honoring our heritage, that I get a little testy.

We don't have anyone crying foul and standing up to protect that "heritage" when the Klan parades around under that flag.  We, at least sometimes, hear people upset that they carry the American flag at their rallies.  I am not saying that they cannot.  I think they are booger eating degenerates, but that freedom is protected under the Constitution.

What bothers me is that there is a desire to continue to stand up for our "heritage" that gets really loud, only when it is safe.  When the Klan is in town, there is never any talk about them perverting that flag, (you know the one that only fools believe is a standard for racism and violence).  When the skinheads march around with their swastikas and Rebel Flags, there is no outcry that they are perverting that flag (you know the one that stands for blacks and whites, that both died fighting in the War under it.)

Why?  Well, because it is easy to claim your rights are being infringed and to declare anger and hatred to people that you know full well are not out to cause you harm.  You can have all kinds of courage, dip your dong in the conspiracy theory water and paint away with it.  Because, you know you are talking foolishness and there is no chance of repercussions.  It is flat cowardice, or collusion.  Collusion is the inactive or tacit agreement and assistance with objectionable activity that one hopes is not discovered publicly.

But, when the folks that will hurt you, or you are sure probably could do you harm, show up, the room gets mighty silent.  I understand being afraid of the Klan, and the AB.  I fear their physical potential and quite honestly despise them.  However, I spent more than 21 years protecting freedoms that they hold as well.  I don't agree with them, I don't subscribe to their hatred and paranoia, I don't have any respect for their position.  But, they have the right to assemble and spout whatever ignorance they wish.  What they can't do is do it under the flag of my heritage, without me speaking up.

Or, I can renounce that flag, and what it has come to stand for.  I can make all kinds of claims about how I don't care what others think, I am an American, by God, and I pick and choose what I stand up for.  It is easy to stand up for things that imaginary.  It is part of the Texas paranoia around the military training exercises.  It is easy to prowl around and "surveil" what is going on, because everyone of those morons is still smart enough to know that the military is not out to take over their town or weapons.  Big boys get to play with their big toys, and pretend to be about the civic business of the state.

You don't see any of them trying to get onto a nuclear facility or an active military installation to do any surveillance.  Why?  Because then, the military would be after them, and they know it.  You don't see any of the pile of folks in Oklahoma that had to show up and fly the "Rebel Flag" for the President.  I guess they thought he had never seen it, really, no idea why flying it in front of Obama is any more relevant than in front of George Bush.  Or, is there something obviously different about those two men that makes it relevant?

The problem with stupidity is that it transcends situations.  This is not a couple of Budweisers in the back of a F150 and then go home and shoot possums for fun.  This is a public statement that is made to our black President, with the disingenuous claim that it is not racial.  If you are not intelligent enough to see that, then you are exactly what the worst elements are hoping for, a pitiful fool, ready to make an ass of themselves for no purpose of worth, but plenty of anger and outcry.

Do I feel strongly about this?  Yes.  I don't care who flies that flag, because it has become a symbol of something I am not.  I am not an American comfortable with prejudice or bigotry.  I am not an American comfortable with hatred and violence.  That is why I won't fly that flag, because the people that had the responsibility long ago, did not stand up for what they claim are the best qualities of that heritage.  They did not speak out when required, because of cowardice, or complicity.  Both still exist, and I am not an American that believes in cowardice and I will not be complicit.

There are other flags and symbols that are similar.  The swastika is just a rune, used in a foreign language and time.  The hammer and sickle are just tools.  The rising sun is just a red ball.  Except that they are not, and good people on both sides died because of it.  Don't dishonor yourself or your intelligence with claims that you can't see that, or that it is imagined by activists, or that while it is true of some people, it doesn't matter.  It matters the same way calling someone ugly, or fat, or nigger does.  Those are just words, and there is nothing illegal about using them.  But, no one genuinely claims not to understand their power and purpose.

And, yes, stupid is one of those words, and I have used it a lot in this post.  On purpose.  While it might not be right, it is required for my service of my heritage.  Because I did not serve, nor did my ancestors serve, so that we would devolve to the lowest form of coercion and fear.  We are called to be Americans, to strive to rise above.  That is how it is, to my mind, and I don't like seeing us fail.  Fly whatever flag you want, my service was based on guaranteeing that right.  But, don't claim it is for heritage.  We lost that opportunity many decades ago, and everyone knows it.  Too quiet on the dangerous front, but pretty loud in the no risk room.  That is not American.  That is not my heritage.  That is not what we are about.

Independence Day

Happy July 4th.  I love this holiday, always have, and hope to always enjoy.  There is nothing more American to me than the what this holiday commemorates, and that we do not often enough remember.

A small group of successful men, some of the richest in the colonies, the rest successful on a much more modest scale, did something amazing.  They came together and debated and argued and came to a decision that had ramifications for every living soul in the colonies.  It also held deeply dangerous meaning for each of them.  They then signed their names to this treasonous, seditious document.

In the case of Hancock, he wanted King George to be sure to be able to read it.  John Hancock was at one point, arguably, the richest man in the colonies.  If he was not, another man that was integral to that debate and those meetings, George Washington, surely was.  John Hancock believed he should have had the prominent position in the nation.  He was campaigning, just like we see today.

However, there are very real differences that we should be educating our children and grand children about, between those folks and today's sunshine patriots and summer soldiers.  First and foremost, the signatories of that initial Declaration were all in, literally.  Understand the fact that every one of those men would have been hung, or otherwise executed, for signing that document and circulating it.  Had we not won the war for independence, there was no chance that they would have been left to live.

None of them were ignorant of that fact.  The vast majority that argued against independence, still signed the document, after the debate.  These are people that had significant personal emnity and some were decades long disagreements and distaste for each other.  There was a whole group of "Republicans" as we would term them, that did not advocate independence.  They were leery of that leftist activity, and well aware of the costs associated with it.  There was a whole group of "Democrats" who advocated complete dissolution and violent revolt immediately.  They were impatient and dismayed at their timidity.

There were nasty exchanges, personal insults, lifelong enemies created and resolved.  At the end, they came to a position and stood by it, though it met none of their complete desires.  They then went about the business of designing, constructing and operating an entirely new governmental system.  They were particularly poor at it.  They had huge debt, ineffective and inefficient bureaucracy, public disagreements and petty insults, poor programs, corruption in the extreme, and social policies that were hated.  Sound familiar?

They even had to move, en masse, as the British almost captured them with the city they were meeting in.  They came back together in a new place and continued on in the work together.  These men had a nation's entire future and their personal safety and integrity on the line, and after July 4, 1776, they did not waver as a group until they had won.  They mostly hated one another by the end, and had definite divisions and already the beginnings of political parties.

It came to a duel within 20 years of the end of the Revolution, and two of the eminent leaders went and duelled over differences, resulting in the loss of Alexander Hamilton.  We all know his killer's name, Aaron Burr, but few of us know the details of his accomplishments in the service of our nation.  That is what the last quarter of the 1700's were like.

Imagine, if you will, the crop we have today being placed into that situation.  It can't happen?  I would humbly submit the election of 1860 and the resulting 50 years of struggle as evidence that it can and does happen.  I would also submit the election of 1932 and the resulting 83 years of struggle as an additional example, with just as bloody and yet more lasting and compassionate outcome.

Times of disaster and dire threat occur, and we have somehow managed to craft our brand of inefficient and disturbingly successful brand of governmental response.  We have stumbled into it at times, we have legitimately fought and died for it at times, we have not realized we have done it at times.

We are terrible at this.  And, yet we are remarkable at this.  No one group of people have done this as successfully and continually as we have.  Don't understand Bernie Sanders, go look up Ben Franklin. Don't understand Hillary Clinton, go look up Susan B. Anthony.  Don't understand Ted Cruz, go look up John Calhoun.  Don't understand John Boehner, go look up Henry Clay.  Don't understand Obama, go look up Woodrow Wilson.  Nothing we face today is new in this nation.

We probably have between 0 and 50,000 years of continued relevance.  It is entirely in the hands of God.  If you want to know what will happen, you are going to have to pray and listen to the prophets. It is plausible that the anti-Christ will rise to power as our leader.  That has been true since WWI when we became the engine of power in the global stage.  It is implausible that Obama or any of the current 578 candidates for the 2016 election are that person.

We see so many signs of our time.  Same sex marriage, racial violence, terrorism, poverty, corruption are all vividly present.  None of them are any more fatal to America or morality than the myriad we have already overcome.  What is most disturbing is our growing inability to disagree yet still move forward.  We are not different, smarter, more talented or superior to the Americans of 1776.  Thankfully, we are not the same, dumber, less talented or inferior to the Americans of 1776.

We have the same constraints and limitations and the same horizons and unlimited potential.  I love this country and do not fear for our ascendence or decline.  We should all realize what an amazing and yet, totally typical, collection of men in 1776 realized.  We shall win or all hang together.  Regardless of what we think of each other, we all have our role.  Together we are invincible and infallible and inexhaustable.  Together, we are dangerous, fallible, and bone tired.  But, we are in it together.

Happy Independence Day!  I hope you all disagree with me on something, so that we discuss it and we both learn.  I hope you all agree with me on much, so that we eliminate the worthless arguments over shared positions.  I promise that I will be there with you to the end, even though you may be completely wrong to my thinking.  Because that is what America started as, and has remained, a community of imperfection and limitless potential, wrapped around disagreement and debate, dedicated to principles that improve and elevate us all.

If you want perfect, study the Bible, find salvation and know that in the presence of God, you will find it.  You will not find it here on Earth, and certainly not in America.  But, there is no better place on Earth to live out the wait for perfect.  I am not discouraged by our faults.  None of us should be, we have mapped out a highway of success that we continue to travel.  I love this country and I love you all.