Title will make sense along the way.
So, crazy guy, with a mother that has less than adequate control of her firearms, around her deranged son, gets Mama's weapons. He goes to a school, because that is the sum total of experience in his life. Then he shoots people. Kids.
And, that folks, was Sandyhook. Remember that? That was less than 3 years ago. Just last week, another deranged guy, with a mother with totally inadequate control of her firearms around her deranged son, gets Mama's weapons. He goes to a school, because he is in school still at like 26, and shoots people. Kids.
Today, two school shootings, both deadly. Some crazy, deranged bastard, gets guns, goes to a school, and kills people. I can't even keep up with where it is occurring, but one was in Texas. Pictures of the nutbag online with his assault style rifle. They shot people. Kids.
Presidential candidate, I would literally submit that he is the smartest man in whatever room you put him in, and that includes the freight elevator with Steven Hawkins, he seems to think he has a solution. Rush the guy shooting at you. Like, he would have rushed the guy, he might get me, but he won't get us all. Like this is a damn solution. Oh, wait, a vet that was there did just that. Took 7 rounds, probably saved many lives, but others still got shot. This same genius, yeah, he thinks that if there had been a proliferation of weapons in Germany, between the World Wars, that the Holocaust could have been averted.
I mean this is truly a smart guy. He is a neurosurgeon, and really, really good at it. Did the first seperation of conjoined twins, connected at the head. I have a huge respect for his skill, his legacy, his Christian values and faith, and his committment to the country. I am not being sarcastic. But, this idea that guns are a solution, that somehow manning up and "Let's roll" is a solution, is categorically and pathologically ridiculous.
When Ronald Reagan got shot, Jim Brady was permanently injured with traumatic brain injury. We did not talk about it like that then, we just said he got shot in the head. That guy and his wife, they went to Congress, looked people in the eye and passed the Brady Bill, common sense laws for controls of firearms. Reagan also signed an automatic weapons ban. We have done this before, for real. And, these were adults, well aware that their public position and role protecting those in that position was inherently endangered. They were not going to school to learn the Pythagorean theorem.
How many of you have thought to yourself that if only we could somehow arm the people in the school, we can just make this so much better? Do your remember your teachers from school? Some of my children are teachers, they are not wired, configured, trained or otherwise remotely able to roger up to battlezone decisions and emotionally wired to shoot a 12 year old killing people. Hell, the cops aren't, neither are the military folks that have to do that in war zones.
Putting more guns into the mix will not fix this. I do not suggest that we should repeal the Constitutional protections to hold and bear arms. But, to somehow suggest that the Founders, who were concerned that the mostly agrarian colonies retained the ability to rapidly mobilize a citizen army to protect against the European powers with standing professional armies, would somehow suggest that having automatic weapons freely floating in the population is okay, just stretches credulity. If you think that Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, and for that matter, Adams and Franklin, were not gun control proponents is ignorance of history. Gun control was just fine to make sure black people didn't get them.
Most of the weaponry was stockpiled in community armories, that were used for military purposes. The weapons the rest of the population maintained they were hunting weapons. And the weapons were not necesarily different. As the technology and killing potential spiked, it was illegal to own and maintain military armament. Personal arms were returned to the parolees after the Civil War. The stacked arms were retained by the government.
This is not uncharted territory. Sensible background check requirements, ban on civilian possession of weaponry designed for battle space, ban on high quantity magazines, registration and required safety and gun-handling training should not be beyond our reach.
If you need rounds that will penetrate bunkers, you are too crappy a shot or hunter to be hunting. If you need 30 rounds to get it done, you are too crappy a shot or hunter to be hunting. And I am someone that grew up hunting, and probably could still shoot with most anyone that wants to put some downrange. If you come up with a reason we should not verify criminal and mental status before allowing gun purchase, please relay that to me.
For those in North Carolina that 3 weeks ago were having a fit because we were not going to do driver's education in school for our kids anymore, and you are not having a fit that you do not have training and competency testing for gun registration, there is something wrong with your logic. The rest of the nation, if you don't see the sense in requiring safety and use training for gun ownership, you must be on the legalize marijuana, heroin and cocaine bandwagon. Get government out of everything. But, best not to apply for that government aid in the flood recovery, you are just enabling Big Brother to come for your weapons.
If you listened to President Obama, and did not understand what he said, let me break it down for you. These are not crime perpetrated by the Crips and Bloods. Telling me or him that criminals can get weapons, like that addresses crazy kids with no sane reason to have access to weaponry taking them and shooting other kids, is just ignorant.
Oh, lets talk about the church shooting then, and how that is different...wait, crazy ass kid, access to weapons, lots of warning signs, shoots people. Oh, different because it is not kids. That makes it so different, nope, wait, it was in a Bible study in a church. I am not sure that is not worse than shooting kids.
Remember, we are not our brother's keeper. But, we are also not his law enforcement either. Keeping and bearing arms, in school, because it is better for the librarian to start rattling off rounds, cause the kid with the gunbrella sat down, than it is to look back at 200 years of relative safety, with common sense gun laws, beggars my imagination. If you don't know what the gunbrella is, it happened at a local university, when they locked it down because a kid was carrying an umbrella and that got confused with an automatic weapon. I swear, it is true. My daughter was there.
Do you want a campus full of guns coming out of lock boxes, for the first time in six months as a response to that? Do you need me to tell you what would have happened? And, teachers don't get more than one planning day a quarter. The government is not going to cart them out with any kind of regularity to teach them shooting and keep them sharp.
So, kids got killed. That happened. The President, who I understand is reviled by huge numbers of people, said the truth. I don't agree with him totally. But, I can guarantee that you will not hear more truth from any politician on this subject than you did from the President. And, if it made you feel uncomfortably guilty, and convicted, you get it. If your solution involves more guns...I will listen, but you are missing the point. All that does it ensure someone dies by gun violence.
If you can't understand that all the phases in play here have to be addressed...I will listen, but you are missing the point. The sick are still not getting treated. People with no business having guns have ready access to them. We have huge sections of the population that do not have to have background checks to buy firearms, yet we require it at most churches to be Sunday School leaders. Can you imagine not requirinig background checks for police? But, it is ridiculous for the creepy guy on the corner that never mows his grass to have to, to get a gun too?
If you have never been to an actual gun show, do not speak to me about not closing the gun show loop. If you have been to an actual gun show, and felt at all comfortable around the majority of the crowd, I fear I may never be able to understand you.
Finally, I had to go to school, pass a performance test, pay for a license, and insurance, to drive a car. Yet, it is entirely ridiculous to require the same for a gun. Hell, it is harder and with more bureaucracy for a man and woman to get married, than there is to purchase a gun. I won't argue about licenses for same sex couples, because that is orders of more magnitude difficult.
If you have ever looked at a report about the babies rescued from the house that the parents were cooking meth in, and thought you ought to have to have a license to have a kid, you have a heart. You might want to consider that, when you consider there is the same level of control of guns. It causes the same kinds of issues, because we are unwilling to deal with the causes and long term issues.
Oh, and a bunch of highly educated, skillful and articulate people in Washington cannot only not figure out what to begin to do to address this, they can't pick a person to be the leader of the chaos. Yeah, and most of the people causing the most trouble not being able to even function the government that controls the purse and legislation, they are the most committed to getting more guns and less regulations in neighborhoods near you.
So, and that happened. Love you all.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Friday, October 2, 2015
10 Dead
Well, anything that starts with the title, 10 Dead, should be controversial. I will be here. And, I will be obstinately and annoyingly right. The reason it will be so difficult for others, is that I have logic and reason on my side.
In Oregon, a person, carried 6 guns to a school, pulled them out and shot people.10 Dead. The gunman killed on site. Not sure yet if either it was suicide, or the police shot him. Don't much care, other than I hope that a cop does not have to live with the trauma of having killed a man.
I believe in the Constitution. I believe in it so strongly, that I swore to uphold and defend it against all enemies, foreign and domestic. I swore that, for the whole document, all its content. I did not, and do not, have favorite, or more important parts that I especially cared about.
I have no illusions that it is perfect. Nor, is it very important to me that it be perfect. Perfection is reserved for and wholly owned by God. I also do not think that I am being personally attacked if others do not agree with or approach this subject in the same manner as me.
I do believe that we, any groups of Americans, can and will have divergent opinions about the Constitution. Because I do not agree with someone else, does not make me Communist, or retarded, or atheist. Nor, do I believe any of those things to be true of those who disagree with me.
So, to be blunt, after watching the news today, that was identical to too damn many other days of news coverage, I came to a conclusion. We have a problem in this country that involves guns. It is a really, really big problem, because, as stated at the beginning, the title is 10 Dead.
This latest miserable excuse for a human being went into a school, and shot a bunch of people. He carried in a pile of guns. He had the intention of killing a bunch more. He had a lot of guns, but he did not have a lot of evil guns. The guns did not have a personality of any kind. The guns did not profess or practice a religion. The guns were not terrorists. The guns were not gang members.
All that aside, at some point, we are going to have to come together as a country and address the issue of violence that is starting to consume us. Non-religious guns are still guns. And there are way too many guns in the hands of way too many people that should not be trusted with or allowed possession of a spoon.
I do not have a perfect solution. In fact, I am not sure I have an imperfect solution. But, I have a good problem description. Too many Americans are dying at the hands of other Americans. They are dying from application of all kinds of deadly instruments, but the vast majority of the problem is the proliferation of guns.
I don't want to take them from anyone. I don't want to change the Constitution. I do not want to violate anyone's rights. But, instead of the hysteria about leftist Commies, or right-wing Nazis, instead of the emotional tantrums that we try to disguise as discourse, can someone that is convinced that the number of guns is not a problem, please tell me what we can do that will start to limit and reduce these events?
Can someone provide some intelligent discussion that helps to prevent these issues? I am interested in anyone's input. But, the crazy, emotional distress that infects us all, is turned the wrong way. We are motivated to fight about whether we should be able to own multiple Howitzers. We are motivated to fight about the lack of services for the mentally ill. When do we get motivated to come together, and start doing things that help bring this under control.
I don't care about your tattoos or your political affiliation. Let's talk about ideas. Let's work on a solution, so that when the next group of people die for no good damn reason, at least we don't feel so culpable, because we were willing to be distracted about stupid arguments about minutia, instead of coming together in substance to win the war we are losing.
I love you all, and I dare you, double dog dare you to give me your ideas, not your vitriol. Bring it, unless you are afraid.
In Oregon, a person, carried 6 guns to a school, pulled them out and shot people.10 Dead. The gunman killed on site. Not sure yet if either it was suicide, or the police shot him. Don't much care, other than I hope that a cop does not have to live with the trauma of having killed a man.
I believe in the Constitution. I believe in it so strongly, that I swore to uphold and defend it against all enemies, foreign and domestic. I swore that, for the whole document, all its content. I did not, and do not, have favorite, or more important parts that I especially cared about.
I have no illusions that it is perfect. Nor, is it very important to me that it be perfect. Perfection is reserved for and wholly owned by God. I also do not think that I am being personally attacked if others do not agree with or approach this subject in the same manner as me.
I do believe that we, any groups of Americans, can and will have divergent opinions about the Constitution. Because I do not agree with someone else, does not make me Communist, or retarded, or atheist. Nor, do I believe any of those things to be true of those who disagree with me.
So, to be blunt, after watching the news today, that was identical to too damn many other days of news coverage, I came to a conclusion. We have a problem in this country that involves guns. It is a really, really big problem, because, as stated at the beginning, the title is 10 Dead.
This latest miserable excuse for a human being went into a school, and shot a bunch of people. He carried in a pile of guns. He had the intention of killing a bunch more. He had a lot of guns, but he did not have a lot of evil guns. The guns did not have a personality of any kind. The guns did not profess or practice a religion. The guns were not terrorists. The guns were not gang members.
All that aside, at some point, we are going to have to come together as a country and address the issue of violence that is starting to consume us. Non-religious guns are still guns. And there are way too many guns in the hands of way too many people that should not be trusted with or allowed possession of a spoon.
I do not have a perfect solution. In fact, I am not sure I have an imperfect solution. But, I have a good problem description. Too many Americans are dying at the hands of other Americans. They are dying from application of all kinds of deadly instruments, but the vast majority of the problem is the proliferation of guns.
I don't want to take them from anyone. I don't want to change the Constitution. I do not want to violate anyone's rights. But, instead of the hysteria about leftist Commies, or right-wing Nazis, instead of the emotional tantrums that we try to disguise as discourse, can someone that is convinced that the number of guns is not a problem, please tell me what we can do that will start to limit and reduce these events?
Can someone provide some intelligent discussion that helps to prevent these issues? I am interested in anyone's input. But, the crazy, emotional distress that infects us all, is turned the wrong way. We are motivated to fight about whether we should be able to own multiple Howitzers. We are motivated to fight about the lack of services for the mentally ill. When do we get motivated to come together, and start doing things that help bring this under control.
I don't care about your tattoos or your political affiliation. Let's talk about ideas. Let's work on a solution, so that when the next group of people die for no good damn reason, at least we don't feel so culpable, because we were willing to be distracted about stupid arguments about minutia, instead of coming together in substance to win the war we are losing.
I love you all, and I dare you, double dog dare you to give me your ideas, not your vitriol. Bring it, unless you are afraid.
Monday, September 28, 2015
What would Jesus post?
There is this belief that the internets are outside the realm of God. Right, it is sciencey stuff, and we all know about what happened to Galileo. Social media has no place in Christianity, it is not in the Bible. People look at porn on the Googles. You get the general idea.
I look at it the other way around. We are hooked up to God's Facebook. Hear me out. You know those folks that put all their laundry on the Facebook? You know those folks that put all of everybody else's mess on the Facebook? You know those folks that read everyone else's mess on the Facebook?
God's Facebook automatically posts, can never be deleted or edited, can never be hidden, and is 100% accurate, always. Consider that fully. God's Newsfeed is 100% accurate. That old lady in front of you on the highway, God saw that post that you flipped her off for holding you up. God saw that post that you walked by that homeless guy with 4 bucks in your pocket, and gave him nothing. God saw that post about what you thought about that woman in the red skirt that walked by.
God saw that post about what you said about that guy at work that just frustrates you to no end. God saw that post that you didn't go see the family because you went out with your buddies instead, not work like you told your family. God saw that post that you rolled over on Sunday and decided not to go to church, even though you had plenty of time to get there.
It also works the other way. God saw that post that you paid for coffee refills for the whole table of older gentlemen in McDonald's, without telling them. God saw that post that you donated $100 to that family that lost their 3 year old to drowning, in one of those jugs at the gas station. God saw that post that you delivered flowers to the nursing home, for the lady that never has any visitors.
God saw that post that you prayed for your spouse. God saw that post that you prayed for your favorite team. God saw that post that you did not pray for your friend that asked you for prayer.
God did not invent Facebook, because He had an infinitely superior version already going on. Jesus knows. So, today, as I was perusing the trending stuff, I wondered, what would Jesus post? And how different would my post be? I don't pretend to speak for Jesus, but it was intriguing to consider.
The newborn, with umbilical cord still attached, that was thrown out of the 7th story window in New York...my post was immediate condemnation and horror. I would literally have been okay with throwing that person out behind the baby. Jesus would probably have posted that it was horrible, sad, and that they all needed prayer, especially that hurt and confused person that did that to the child. He would then post that we all need healing and compassion, and that God has the child in his arms.
The model, who "shut down" the "body shamers"...My post was along the lines of, you make obscene amounts of money to wear clothes, you have to be kidding me that you have some issue with what anyone says about how you look. Jesus might have posted that he was very proud that she was able to own her insecurity, and that he loves us all, and we are beautiful in his eyes, just as he made us.
The Pope laughing at Mini Pope, and blessing the sick children...My post was admiration of a moral lesson that shames me, at least, in how he conducts his life. Jesus might have posted that Francis was indeed one of his beautiful children, and that he loved him.
Jesus probably would not have posted anything about whether I had the right attitude or not. Jesus would not have posted anything about the uncharitable acts I committed. He would not have posted about the struggles that I have shared only with him. He would not have posted pictures of me in an unflattering position. He would not have posted rumors that swirl around me.
Do I think that Jesus would have used Facebook, had it been available to him? I think he uses it everyday. I think he encourages through words there. I think he confronts us with examples there. I think he inspires us with stories there. There is nothing in this world God, Jesus, do not use to our benefit.
So, with that I encourage you, please, consider what Jesus would post. And, as importantly, what Jesus would not post should be a consideration. It is a new time, but there is nothing new under the sun. The rules are still the same. Love others more than yourself. Let that be your guide, through social media.
What brought this sermon? I read some things today that really just made me feel awesome. Clearly an inspiration, and that dramatically improved my day. But, I also saw several things, things I have posted in other ways before, that just shocked me. It was just clear to me that those posts were just not worthy of the reputation I want, or try to maintain.
So, it led me to think what would Jesus post, and here we are. There is nothing wrong with social media, nor the internet, nor technology. The only wrong is what you bring to it of your own accord. There are no bad cars, bad guns, or bad technology. They are only things, they only are weapons, hurtful, if used with that intention, by our choices. What would Jesus choose? That is the place I want to start from.
Love you all.
I look at it the other way around. We are hooked up to God's Facebook. Hear me out. You know those folks that put all their laundry on the Facebook? You know those folks that put all of everybody else's mess on the Facebook? You know those folks that read everyone else's mess on the Facebook?
God's Facebook automatically posts, can never be deleted or edited, can never be hidden, and is 100% accurate, always. Consider that fully. God's Newsfeed is 100% accurate. That old lady in front of you on the highway, God saw that post that you flipped her off for holding you up. God saw that post that you walked by that homeless guy with 4 bucks in your pocket, and gave him nothing. God saw that post about what you thought about that woman in the red skirt that walked by.
God saw that post about what you said about that guy at work that just frustrates you to no end. God saw that post that you didn't go see the family because you went out with your buddies instead, not work like you told your family. God saw that post that you rolled over on Sunday and decided not to go to church, even though you had plenty of time to get there.
It also works the other way. God saw that post that you paid for coffee refills for the whole table of older gentlemen in McDonald's, without telling them. God saw that post that you donated $100 to that family that lost their 3 year old to drowning, in one of those jugs at the gas station. God saw that post that you delivered flowers to the nursing home, for the lady that never has any visitors.
God saw that post that you prayed for your spouse. God saw that post that you prayed for your favorite team. God saw that post that you did not pray for your friend that asked you for prayer.
God did not invent Facebook, because He had an infinitely superior version already going on. Jesus knows. So, today, as I was perusing the trending stuff, I wondered, what would Jesus post? And how different would my post be? I don't pretend to speak for Jesus, but it was intriguing to consider.
The newborn, with umbilical cord still attached, that was thrown out of the 7th story window in New York...my post was immediate condemnation and horror. I would literally have been okay with throwing that person out behind the baby. Jesus would probably have posted that it was horrible, sad, and that they all needed prayer, especially that hurt and confused person that did that to the child. He would then post that we all need healing and compassion, and that God has the child in his arms.
The model, who "shut down" the "body shamers"...My post was along the lines of, you make obscene amounts of money to wear clothes, you have to be kidding me that you have some issue with what anyone says about how you look. Jesus might have posted that he was very proud that she was able to own her insecurity, and that he loves us all, and we are beautiful in his eyes, just as he made us.
The Pope laughing at Mini Pope, and blessing the sick children...My post was admiration of a moral lesson that shames me, at least, in how he conducts his life. Jesus might have posted that Francis was indeed one of his beautiful children, and that he loved him.
Jesus probably would not have posted anything about whether I had the right attitude or not. Jesus would not have posted anything about the uncharitable acts I committed. He would not have posted about the struggles that I have shared only with him. He would not have posted pictures of me in an unflattering position. He would not have posted rumors that swirl around me.
Do I think that Jesus would have used Facebook, had it been available to him? I think he uses it everyday. I think he encourages through words there. I think he confronts us with examples there. I think he inspires us with stories there. There is nothing in this world God, Jesus, do not use to our benefit.
So, with that I encourage you, please, consider what Jesus would post. And, as importantly, what Jesus would not post should be a consideration. It is a new time, but there is nothing new under the sun. The rules are still the same. Love others more than yourself. Let that be your guide, through social media.
What brought this sermon? I read some things today that really just made me feel awesome. Clearly an inspiration, and that dramatically improved my day. But, I also saw several things, things I have posted in other ways before, that just shocked me. It was just clear to me that those posts were just not worthy of the reputation I want, or try to maintain.
So, it led me to think what would Jesus post, and here we are. There is nothing wrong with social media, nor the internet, nor technology. The only wrong is what you bring to it of your own accord. There are no bad cars, bad guns, or bad technology. They are only things, they only are weapons, hurtful, if used with that intention, by our choices. What would Jesus choose? That is the place I want to start from.
Love you all.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Maybe nothing has changed at all.
In my life, which feels relatively short and yet, of significant length, I have gone through many realizations. Some were huge, life altering. Many were just those moments when you realize that the window of life that allowed certain actions had closed. Usually, this was some physical action that I was no longer limber, strong or reckless enough to attempt again.
However, this weekend, I guess that age finally dawned on me. I am not an old man, lamenting the end of my days. Were it necessary, I am pretty certain that my last name is Hill, and I am Joe Jr, and I could dispense an ass-whippin' if required. I might have to spend some time in an iron lung to recover, but I would get it done.
But, the truth of the situation kind of came home to me, in a big way. It is benign enough, considering I could be gone. Plenty of those situations have been avoided, and sadly, all of them were not tied to youth and inexperience. I did have that big moment.
I looked at a picture of me, and it was my great uncle, sitting on the bench of a picnic table in 1973. Same amount of grey hair, same kind of devilish look in the eyes, like that fellow is about to go show the young bucks how to do it. It is just a kind of deja vu feeling that gives you pause.
Now, I loved these men. I enjoyed every moment I had with them, and have heard about them. I am not upset that I favor those men. I hope that it is not just skin deep. But, these were, and I hate to admit it, old men. Not elderly, not decrepit, but these men were older than my Dad, like a generation older. Now I am that guy.
The generation after me has children, some of them having children. I have a handicap placard for the car. (Before you get freaked out, I had knee surgery seven weeks ago.) I remember ball players as my favorite players, that are throwing out first pitches and being recognized at the coin toss ceremony. And, they limp, are bald, grey and obviously not ever going to play any game again.
I don't recognize the county I grew up in. I actually knew pretty much every road in my stomping grounds, and the people that owned the land along the roads. That was 30 years ago. The roads are different, some moved, most widened. The schools look nothing like they did when I attended. The landmark trees and barns and houses are mostly gone. Even the churches look different or are gone.
This is not the end of the universe. I am not even all that freaked out. Except about the picture. People will think it crazy of me, but, I believe I see these men alot. I see them in my dreams. I go fishing and crabbing with them. I eat Sunday dinner with them. I watch football with them. So, I have very vivid mental images of Bobby, Boy, Biggy and Billy. I see them often, and these are the good dreams I remember.
But, now, I am also that age, that I remember them. In my dreams, I am that 20 year old kid that I was then. I wonder if that will change. I hope so. I hope that these men can see that I grew to be a man like them. That I kept the family traditions alive, that I remember, just as they remembered and told me about their uncles. I hope they rest easy, and we keep having good fishing weather together.
Funny thing about it, I am not a fishing guy. I spent 21 years bobbing on the big blue. I have no unfulfilled wish to be on the sea. But, I would love to go run a trot line with any one of them. This time, though, I would pilot the boat. Bobby scared the snot out of me, and Boy was worse.
I hope those young men in those pictures are cataloging the same things I did. I hope that I am a man that provides those examples, those memories. They are good men, even if they are young. And there is love through all the family. That has not changed. So, in the most important ways, maybe nothing has changed at all.
Love you all.
However, this weekend, I guess that age finally dawned on me. I am not an old man, lamenting the end of my days. Were it necessary, I am pretty certain that my last name is Hill, and I am Joe Jr, and I could dispense an ass-whippin' if required. I might have to spend some time in an iron lung to recover, but I would get it done.
But, the truth of the situation kind of came home to me, in a big way. It is benign enough, considering I could be gone. Plenty of those situations have been avoided, and sadly, all of them were not tied to youth and inexperience. I did have that big moment.
I looked at a picture of me, and it was my great uncle, sitting on the bench of a picnic table in 1973. Same amount of grey hair, same kind of devilish look in the eyes, like that fellow is about to go show the young bucks how to do it. It is just a kind of deja vu feeling that gives you pause.
Now, I loved these men. I enjoyed every moment I had with them, and have heard about them. I am not upset that I favor those men. I hope that it is not just skin deep. But, these were, and I hate to admit it, old men. Not elderly, not decrepit, but these men were older than my Dad, like a generation older. Now I am that guy.
The generation after me has children, some of them having children. I have a handicap placard for the car. (Before you get freaked out, I had knee surgery seven weeks ago.) I remember ball players as my favorite players, that are throwing out first pitches and being recognized at the coin toss ceremony. And, they limp, are bald, grey and obviously not ever going to play any game again.
I don't recognize the county I grew up in. I actually knew pretty much every road in my stomping grounds, and the people that owned the land along the roads. That was 30 years ago. The roads are different, some moved, most widened. The schools look nothing like they did when I attended. The landmark trees and barns and houses are mostly gone. Even the churches look different or are gone.
This is not the end of the universe. I am not even all that freaked out. Except about the picture. People will think it crazy of me, but, I believe I see these men alot. I see them in my dreams. I go fishing and crabbing with them. I eat Sunday dinner with them. I watch football with them. So, I have very vivid mental images of Bobby, Boy, Biggy and Billy. I see them often, and these are the good dreams I remember.
But, now, I am also that age, that I remember them. In my dreams, I am that 20 year old kid that I was then. I wonder if that will change. I hope so. I hope that these men can see that I grew to be a man like them. That I kept the family traditions alive, that I remember, just as they remembered and told me about their uncles. I hope they rest easy, and we keep having good fishing weather together.
Funny thing about it, I am not a fishing guy. I spent 21 years bobbing on the big blue. I have no unfulfilled wish to be on the sea. But, I would love to go run a trot line with any one of them. This time, though, I would pilot the boat. Bobby scared the snot out of me, and Boy was worse.
I hope those young men in those pictures are cataloging the same things I did. I hope that I am a man that provides those examples, those memories. They are good men, even if they are young. And there is love through all the family. That has not changed. So, in the most important ways, maybe nothing has changed at all.
Love you all.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Open Letter from a Dad, about the Father
I do not want to preach in this letter. I am just going to speak truth from one man that has more life experience and context, to you, my sons. You are good men. You are all men that make me proud. I love you all and I pray for you all daily.
You were raised to be the men that you are. This was not accidental, nor was it easy. It was extremely hard work, that was done with no instruction manual, nor any indicators as to how it was really going where it counted. I could not see whether or not the lessons were taking root in your minds and souls. There were no road sign to warn of the twists and turns.
As hard as that journey was for you, I promise you that it was harder for us. You may not believe me now, but you will when you have your own sons. Nothing was more important or intense than raising you. I would trade nothing for that experience, it was the highlight and important journey of my life.
That is how much you mean, how important you are. Not how much you meant or how important you were. Those things of importance do not change or lessen over time. You change, but what makes you my most important journey will never change.
Over time, I lost the ability to be your balance or judge of right and wrong. During that period, as you grew into your manhood, I watched and I helped. You chose correctly most of the time, and knew it when you did not choose correctly. I remain amazed and proud of how you came into yourself, how you took that role gracefully.
As it stands, I am very proud of you. You have exceeded any expectation I could have had for you, and are working to the limits of what I dreamt for you. This much I know, and I am honored to be privy to it, you are beyond my imaginings. I do not fear for the future because of you.
I do offer counsel. Life is a fickle expedition. There are no guarantees and there are no shortcuts. Everything comes at a price, everything. So, now I want to help you with something that I have no control over. You are grown, self responsible and self accountable. At this point, I am just a friend, someone I hope you trust to be interested in your best interests.
At no time have I deluded myself that I am your father. I may be Dad, but I am not your father. Your father is my father, and father of every other person on the planet. The Lord in Heaven is your Father, and trusted me to be your parent. Why He had any trust in my abilities is a mystery to me, but I am so thankful for His gifts, so thankful for you.
You were raised to know the Lord, to know His house, and His ways. If you thought it was easy to do that, you are wrong. You were not always happy to be in the Lord's house, nor did you understand His ways or His rules. To this day, you question Him, you wonder about Him, and you struggle with Him.
What you do not know, is that we all do. None of us are beyond that point. Our Father is altogether mysterious, inscrutable and counter-intuitive. There is nothing within our Father, that is easy on our souls. For, our souls reflect a brokenness of the world that does not exist within our Father, and it is most visible when we look deeply within ourselves. In those moments, we stand at greatest contrast with our Father, and our wounds and weaknesses are most visible.
However, it is also those moments that the Father desires our attention most. Through His grace, we are magnified and made victorious. Through His love, we are comforted and made whole. Through His strength, we are made powerful and steadfast. Through His Word, we are informed and broadened.
We, as men, are not meant to be insensitive and unfeeling. We are built to know and honor and praise the Father. We are meant to be loving, caring and encouraging to those around us, and in particular to our families. We are meant to be a reflection of the Father in that regard.
We are to lead, to demonstrate and to exemplify the love of the Father to our family. We are to ensure that they are coming to know and grow in the Lord. We are to be a full half of a relationship, a vessel that contains and justifies faith, trust and respect. We were made to be that way, and it is our natural state, as we build a relationship with our Father and our partner.
So, bring your family to the Lord's House. Show them the way in the Word, and in the world. If you are unsure of your future, if you have fears of what will come, if you have doubts and worries, there is no other answer than the Lord. If your family does not see you in that kind of relationship with the Father, they do not see in you the things to build a relationship.
If you cannot understand why things feel out of control, why there are trust issues in your relationships, why your career is not progressing, why your finances are strained, and you cannot remember the last time you entered the Lord's House, you have lost the foundation of your raising. As a child, when things were most centered, when things were most comfortable, you lived under my wings, sheltered in my care. Now, you are beyond that, but not beyond your Father. He can, and will, provide those sheltering wings for your life.
You once trusted me without question. You did not even consider that I would not provide for you. You did not feel fear in my presence. You did not have doubt in your security, or your place of priority. Yet, as an adult, you feel those things missing. You have forgotten that throughout your childhood, I taught you that the Father was the source of all good. You have forgotten that you and I are equally children in the eyes of the Lord.
You think that you cannot get the sense of comfort and love in your life again. You only know that it is expected from you by your partner, and you do not know how you can provide what you do not feel. You have forgotten the Word, you have forgotten the comfort of the Lord, and you have forgotten His promises.
His Word will answer your questions and still your fears. His comfort will give you peace and confidence to be the father/husband/brother that you were created to be. His promise is that He will fill your life with love and blessing, if you just seek Him with all your heart, mind and soul.
You do not think you have time for the Lord, because you have forgotten He created time. You do not think that the Lord exists, like you learned as a child, because you have heard lies from the disenchanted and have taken them to heart. You do not seek the Lord, because you are afraid of what He will see when you find him.
All that I can tell you is that I have been through the same. I have even been mad, angry, furious at the Father. I have felt cheated by the Father. I have felt superior to those who believed in the Father. I have scoffed at those who needed the Father.
Then, the Father gave me you, and I realized that nothing that precious, nothing that beautiful, nothing that unlimited, nothing that wonderful, could have come from me. You were my proof of the existence of the Father, because I knew the limits of my own existence. Because of you, I was convicted and confirmed in my faith. I needed the Father, for I was not capable of being the parent you deserved without the Father.
I pray every day that it will not require the Father to give you a child, before you come back to Him. And, it is not enough simply to pray, or claim you believe. You now have a family, you have partners that look to you for guidance and leadership. These are the most precious women in the world to me, after my wife. I would lay my life down without hesitation for any of them. But, they are looking to you to lead them, to strengthen them in faith, to provide for them the covering and conviction that comes only from a man of God.
You have to lead them to the house of the Lord. You have to lead them in prayer. You have to lead them in worship. You have to lead them in faith. You are not more than them, but your part, as designed by the Father, is to lead. Never, ever, will you find more confidence, than when you show it to your wife. Never, ever, will you find more love, than when you show your love of the Lord to your wife. Never, ever, will you find more comfort, than when you comfort your wife.
You cannot know the full extent of what it means to be a man, until you are a man, as decreed by the Lord. When you forsake all others, for the sake of your wife, agree to cherish and honor her, work to provide for her, love her and lead her, you begin to understand the true purpose you have been created to fulfill. And, sons, if you are living with her, she is your wife. You were raised to know that living with a woman, is a pledge to be her husband, regardless of the license and paperwork.
The Lord will bless you, fulfill you and increase you, if you are true to Him, and true to your wife. It does not require more than to trust in the Lord, and trust in her. That does not mean there will not be struggles and difficulties. But, if you live in the trust of the Lord, and the trust of your wife, the struggles and difficulties are challenges surmounted together and the beginning of limitless blessings.
I am not relaying this, expecting that tomorrow, you will be beside me as I attend worship with my wife and partner in love of the Lord. But, I know that the Lord has already planted Himself in your soul. I am only telling you that I know you are feeling the stress and confusion that accompanies coming into manhood. I know that you feel obligations, feel responsibilities, feel requirements. I know that you are not sure how it will work out, what you are going to do about it. And, I know that the Lord is using those things, and those concerns to speak to you.
He is not demanding of you, nor am I. He does not want your false praise or faked love, nor do I. He wants to reach into your life, change you, strengthen you and comfort you, so that you can do those things to your family. Without Him in your life, it is not really a full life. And, until you have experienced a full life, you do not know how incredibly lacking your life is.
You are good men, I love you all. I know that you are dedicated, hard working, concerned, and loving. I know that you are doing the absolute best that you can by these young women I love. But, I also know that you cannot do right by these women, until you are right with the Father and a man of God. That does not mean perfect, or sinless, or never doubting, or always correct. That does not mean in control, overbearing or prideful.
But, God is found everywhere, loves all, and is best worshipped among other believers. To paraphrase the Word, test me in this. Take those beautiful young women you love to church, encourage them in faith, pray with them passionately, stengthen each others faith, study the Word together, and seek the plan that the Lord has for you together. Try that, and tell me if it does not immediately improve your life, your outlook and your sense of ease.
The Lord's peace comes from living for the Lord, in the Lord's design, with trust in the Lord. Doing that with your wife is so powerful that it cannot be explained in words. I cannot tell you exactly how it changes you, because it is tied up in the mystery of the Lord, and infused with His power. I can tell you, honestly, and with all the sincerity I possess, that nothing has ever made me feel more of a man, or more complete, than in sharing in a true relationship with the Lord, with a woman I love.
It has magnified and grown both of us. It has given us courage, healing, peace, discernment, depth, knowledge, faith, perseverance, certainty, and hope. It is the most precious thing that a human will know on this planet before the coming of Jesus. I do not know what the experience is like for a woman, but what she has shared with me tells me it is just as important and precious to her as it is to me.
If you want to be the man you should be, and encourage your wife to be all the woman that she can be, it is not a complicated process. You have only to ask her to go with you, to seek the Lord, and to build a life of faith and obedience together. You then get the experience that is what life is all about, the growth of a true relationship, under the guidance of the Lord.
You are loved, by me and the Lord. Nothing will ever change that, nothing will ever lessen that. Getting comfortable with the idea that the Lord could love you, despite what you know yourself to be, is hard. I am not sure I am completely through that. Getting comfortable with the idea that God created all this, and it is not some accident that is proof of the laws of large random numbers or from comets, is hard. I am sure that we owe all we are to God, nothing as incredible as you could be a random generation of accidental circumstances.
Take your role as a son of God, as a leader in your family, try. Test me in this, and see if your life, and the life of your wife, is not completely changed, and for the better within 6 months. Regardless, I will still love you. And regardless, God will always love you beyond your imagining. But, it has weighed heavily on me. And I have seen the struggle, doubt and stress that impacts your lives so severely. There is peace and rest to be found.
I pray every night for each one of you, and I ask that you do the same for me. Before long, I will rely on you all, more than I care to think about. That is the way of this world. I don't want you to struggle and strive, as I did for so long. See what looks back at you in the mirror, and tell me you cannot see God there, as you are made in his image.
I love each one of you, and I ask that you do the same for me. Nothing is as strengthening and healing as showing love to someone else. Take on your role as the leaders of your family, trust in the comfort of the Lord, and enjoy the blessings that come from a life lived in the Lord. It is the key to success and to peace and to love. Nothing else you have done or will do, will bring you peace and love that lasts.
You were raised to be the men that you are. This was not accidental, nor was it easy. It was extremely hard work, that was done with no instruction manual, nor any indicators as to how it was really going where it counted. I could not see whether or not the lessons were taking root in your minds and souls. There were no road sign to warn of the twists and turns.
As hard as that journey was for you, I promise you that it was harder for us. You may not believe me now, but you will when you have your own sons. Nothing was more important or intense than raising you. I would trade nothing for that experience, it was the highlight and important journey of my life.
That is how much you mean, how important you are. Not how much you meant or how important you were. Those things of importance do not change or lessen over time. You change, but what makes you my most important journey will never change.
Over time, I lost the ability to be your balance or judge of right and wrong. During that period, as you grew into your manhood, I watched and I helped. You chose correctly most of the time, and knew it when you did not choose correctly. I remain amazed and proud of how you came into yourself, how you took that role gracefully.
As it stands, I am very proud of you. You have exceeded any expectation I could have had for you, and are working to the limits of what I dreamt for you. This much I know, and I am honored to be privy to it, you are beyond my imaginings. I do not fear for the future because of you.
I do offer counsel. Life is a fickle expedition. There are no guarantees and there are no shortcuts. Everything comes at a price, everything. So, now I want to help you with something that I have no control over. You are grown, self responsible and self accountable. At this point, I am just a friend, someone I hope you trust to be interested in your best interests.
At no time have I deluded myself that I am your father. I may be Dad, but I am not your father. Your father is my father, and father of every other person on the planet. The Lord in Heaven is your Father, and trusted me to be your parent. Why He had any trust in my abilities is a mystery to me, but I am so thankful for His gifts, so thankful for you.
You were raised to know the Lord, to know His house, and His ways. If you thought it was easy to do that, you are wrong. You were not always happy to be in the Lord's house, nor did you understand His ways or His rules. To this day, you question Him, you wonder about Him, and you struggle with Him.
What you do not know, is that we all do. None of us are beyond that point. Our Father is altogether mysterious, inscrutable and counter-intuitive. There is nothing within our Father, that is easy on our souls. For, our souls reflect a brokenness of the world that does not exist within our Father, and it is most visible when we look deeply within ourselves. In those moments, we stand at greatest contrast with our Father, and our wounds and weaknesses are most visible.
However, it is also those moments that the Father desires our attention most. Through His grace, we are magnified and made victorious. Through His love, we are comforted and made whole. Through His strength, we are made powerful and steadfast. Through His Word, we are informed and broadened.
We, as men, are not meant to be insensitive and unfeeling. We are built to know and honor and praise the Father. We are meant to be loving, caring and encouraging to those around us, and in particular to our families. We are meant to be a reflection of the Father in that regard.
We are to lead, to demonstrate and to exemplify the love of the Father to our family. We are to ensure that they are coming to know and grow in the Lord. We are to be a full half of a relationship, a vessel that contains and justifies faith, trust and respect. We were made to be that way, and it is our natural state, as we build a relationship with our Father and our partner.
So, bring your family to the Lord's House. Show them the way in the Word, and in the world. If you are unsure of your future, if you have fears of what will come, if you have doubts and worries, there is no other answer than the Lord. If your family does not see you in that kind of relationship with the Father, they do not see in you the things to build a relationship.
If you cannot understand why things feel out of control, why there are trust issues in your relationships, why your career is not progressing, why your finances are strained, and you cannot remember the last time you entered the Lord's House, you have lost the foundation of your raising. As a child, when things were most centered, when things were most comfortable, you lived under my wings, sheltered in my care. Now, you are beyond that, but not beyond your Father. He can, and will, provide those sheltering wings for your life.
You once trusted me without question. You did not even consider that I would not provide for you. You did not feel fear in my presence. You did not have doubt in your security, or your place of priority. Yet, as an adult, you feel those things missing. You have forgotten that throughout your childhood, I taught you that the Father was the source of all good. You have forgotten that you and I are equally children in the eyes of the Lord.
You think that you cannot get the sense of comfort and love in your life again. You only know that it is expected from you by your partner, and you do not know how you can provide what you do not feel. You have forgotten the Word, you have forgotten the comfort of the Lord, and you have forgotten His promises.
His Word will answer your questions and still your fears. His comfort will give you peace and confidence to be the father/husband/brother that you were created to be. His promise is that He will fill your life with love and blessing, if you just seek Him with all your heart, mind and soul.
You do not think you have time for the Lord, because you have forgotten He created time. You do not think that the Lord exists, like you learned as a child, because you have heard lies from the disenchanted and have taken them to heart. You do not seek the Lord, because you are afraid of what He will see when you find him.
All that I can tell you is that I have been through the same. I have even been mad, angry, furious at the Father. I have felt cheated by the Father. I have felt superior to those who believed in the Father. I have scoffed at those who needed the Father.
Then, the Father gave me you, and I realized that nothing that precious, nothing that beautiful, nothing that unlimited, nothing that wonderful, could have come from me. You were my proof of the existence of the Father, because I knew the limits of my own existence. Because of you, I was convicted and confirmed in my faith. I needed the Father, for I was not capable of being the parent you deserved without the Father.
I pray every day that it will not require the Father to give you a child, before you come back to Him. And, it is not enough simply to pray, or claim you believe. You now have a family, you have partners that look to you for guidance and leadership. These are the most precious women in the world to me, after my wife. I would lay my life down without hesitation for any of them. But, they are looking to you to lead them, to strengthen them in faith, to provide for them the covering and conviction that comes only from a man of God.
You have to lead them to the house of the Lord. You have to lead them in prayer. You have to lead them in worship. You have to lead them in faith. You are not more than them, but your part, as designed by the Father, is to lead. Never, ever, will you find more confidence, than when you show it to your wife. Never, ever, will you find more love, than when you show your love of the Lord to your wife. Never, ever, will you find more comfort, than when you comfort your wife.
You cannot know the full extent of what it means to be a man, until you are a man, as decreed by the Lord. When you forsake all others, for the sake of your wife, agree to cherish and honor her, work to provide for her, love her and lead her, you begin to understand the true purpose you have been created to fulfill. And, sons, if you are living with her, she is your wife. You were raised to know that living with a woman, is a pledge to be her husband, regardless of the license and paperwork.
The Lord will bless you, fulfill you and increase you, if you are true to Him, and true to your wife. It does not require more than to trust in the Lord, and trust in her. That does not mean there will not be struggles and difficulties. But, if you live in the trust of the Lord, and the trust of your wife, the struggles and difficulties are challenges surmounted together and the beginning of limitless blessings.
I am not relaying this, expecting that tomorrow, you will be beside me as I attend worship with my wife and partner in love of the Lord. But, I know that the Lord has already planted Himself in your soul. I am only telling you that I know you are feeling the stress and confusion that accompanies coming into manhood. I know that you feel obligations, feel responsibilities, feel requirements. I know that you are not sure how it will work out, what you are going to do about it. And, I know that the Lord is using those things, and those concerns to speak to you.
He is not demanding of you, nor am I. He does not want your false praise or faked love, nor do I. He wants to reach into your life, change you, strengthen you and comfort you, so that you can do those things to your family. Without Him in your life, it is not really a full life. And, until you have experienced a full life, you do not know how incredibly lacking your life is.
You are good men, I love you all. I know that you are dedicated, hard working, concerned, and loving. I know that you are doing the absolute best that you can by these young women I love. But, I also know that you cannot do right by these women, until you are right with the Father and a man of God. That does not mean perfect, or sinless, or never doubting, or always correct. That does not mean in control, overbearing or prideful.
But, God is found everywhere, loves all, and is best worshipped among other believers. To paraphrase the Word, test me in this. Take those beautiful young women you love to church, encourage them in faith, pray with them passionately, stengthen each others faith, study the Word together, and seek the plan that the Lord has for you together. Try that, and tell me if it does not immediately improve your life, your outlook and your sense of ease.
The Lord's peace comes from living for the Lord, in the Lord's design, with trust in the Lord. Doing that with your wife is so powerful that it cannot be explained in words. I cannot tell you exactly how it changes you, because it is tied up in the mystery of the Lord, and infused with His power. I can tell you, honestly, and with all the sincerity I possess, that nothing has ever made me feel more of a man, or more complete, than in sharing in a true relationship with the Lord, with a woman I love.
It has magnified and grown both of us. It has given us courage, healing, peace, discernment, depth, knowledge, faith, perseverance, certainty, and hope. It is the most precious thing that a human will know on this planet before the coming of Jesus. I do not know what the experience is like for a woman, but what she has shared with me tells me it is just as important and precious to her as it is to me.
If you want to be the man you should be, and encourage your wife to be all the woman that she can be, it is not a complicated process. You have only to ask her to go with you, to seek the Lord, and to build a life of faith and obedience together. You then get the experience that is what life is all about, the growth of a true relationship, under the guidance of the Lord.
You are loved, by me and the Lord. Nothing will ever change that, nothing will ever lessen that. Getting comfortable with the idea that the Lord could love you, despite what you know yourself to be, is hard. I am not sure I am completely through that. Getting comfortable with the idea that God created all this, and it is not some accident that is proof of the laws of large random numbers or from comets, is hard. I am sure that we owe all we are to God, nothing as incredible as you could be a random generation of accidental circumstances.
Take your role as a son of God, as a leader in your family, try. Test me in this, and see if your life, and the life of your wife, is not completely changed, and for the better within 6 months. Regardless, I will still love you. And regardless, God will always love you beyond your imagining. But, it has weighed heavily on me. And I have seen the struggle, doubt and stress that impacts your lives so severely. There is peace and rest to be found.
I pray every night for each one of you, and I ask that you do the same for me. Before long, I will rely on you all, more than I care to think about. That is the way of this world. I don't want you to struggle and strive, as I did for so long. See what looks back at you in the mirror, and tell me you cannot see God there, as you are made in his image.
I love each one of you, and I ask that you do the same for me. Nothing is as strengthening and healing as showing love to someone else. Take on your role as the leaders of your family, trust in the comfort of the Lord, and enjoy the blessings that come from a life lived in the Lord. It is the key to success and to peace and to love. Nothing else you have done or will do, will bring you peace and love that lasts.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
God is always great and God is great always
It starts like this, uneventful as it seems. "Let's try a new church this morning." Okay, I am not the best with observing, cataloging and processing subtle signals. I am much better with explicit and spoken messages.
However, in this case, ever since we have gotten married, we have been in a kind of flux about our church home. When it works, it is clear and obvious. When there are questions and disagreements, it is clear and obvious. We had a church home, we spent quite some time working on finding a new home, then went back to our original church home.
We have wonderful friends there. The church is full of people we like, that have prayed fervently and frequently for us, and encouraged us personally in all ways. But, it was not fitting the union that we had become when we got married.
We searched and searched, many denominations, many kinds of services and many kinds of congregations. We tried small churches, big churches, modern services, traditional services, highly dogmatic churches and non-denominational churches. Nothing really fit us, in the union that we became when God called us to marry.
All of these places were good places, populated with good people serving the Lord in good ways. But, it is like many other aspects of life, you know it when you know it. We had started our search with only a couple of things off limits. We were not going to a Catholic Church, as God has not worked a miracle of forgiveness or reconciliation within me for that organization. And we were not going to C3. I had tried it when first I moved to North Carolina, and it had put me off.
So, to C3 we went. We found that the passion and energy were attractive to us. The music is loud, but music we both enjoy. (Hey, I am getting old, and I no longer enjoy turning it up to 11, and there is no Saint Tuppins, the patron saint of shoes) We were greeted by folks that made us at ease. We stood and worshipped, listened to inspiring teaching that touched us both.
We have prayed about it for the better part of 2 weeks. We have discussed it. Finally, I figured that the Holy Spirit would make it clear to me today. I would go and listen to the Discovery program, which is the introductory class that they hold, and I would know. Pastor Matt and his wife were not there, they are in Africa breaking ground on a church plant there. But, even through the video that outlined what the church stood for, believed, taught and expected, I felt convicted.
It sunk deeply into me. Not that I had not heard these same things in other churches, nor that I had never had a close relationship with the Lord. The heavens did not open, nor did the hosts sing. But, it touched me about subjects that have been concerning me. It said things that I believe from my study and my inspiration from the spirit. More importantly, as we drove home, we had both been convicted by the same things in the message for the same reasons.
We felt confident, and sure. If you are not a Christian, you may not understand what I am relating here. But, it has always been my experience that the Holy Spirit communicated directly with me, in messages that were much clearer than the Father or the Son. I have never heard the voice of God, but I have received the Word and instruction of God. In this case, I did deeply. And, I am not going to doubt or wonder.
We are excited, enthused and at peace. Nothing wrong or bad happened to us at our previous church. The people were not rude or abusive to us. The teaching was not inaccurate or at odds with my beliefs. The Pastor of that church is a very, very dear friend of mine, and a convicted man of God that I respect deeply.
But, when you marry, you are no longer only you. You become a part of the union that we are taught is one flesh, one in the presence of God. A church home has to be right and be engaging to both parts of that union of a marriage. And, when you find it, is clear and evident. I pray every day that God continues to make me the man I should be to be the spiritual head and leader of this family, and the competent, supportive and encouraging partner my wife needs. We concluded together that this is where we intend to root and grow the tree that represents our faith journey.
To do that, I have chosen to be baptized again. C3 recognizes immersion as an "adult" as the true baptism. I will need the ministerial staff to help me with why that is Biblical, as I was baptized as a baby, and confirmed in my faith in 8th grade. However, I intend to do it, to affirm my dedication. Sometimes you have to trust in faith, before you find in fact.
I will be inviting our friends to attend and be with Katrina and I when this happens. I don't know when yet. But, it is a very big step, this decision and commitment that we made together tonight. And I want that to be evident in my life and my actions. I also want to share the joy and promise of the Baptism I partake of, with the people that I love.
So, tonight, for no reason that relates to the date, God did something monumental in Trina and I's life. We have friends that we have been praying for that found out yesterday were expecting a child. We had good news from one of our kids about finding the job that he has wanted and worked for. One of our other kids is being pursued by two different organizations for the career that he has worked diligently for years to realize.
God is very, very good. Malachi 3:10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse....Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.
This is usually associated with tithing and money/treasure. But it also applies to love and faith. If you offer your first fruit to the Lord, and share the Lord, His message, and His peace, you will be rewarded with the answered prayers, hopes and desires that are dearest to your heart. Trina and I are clear example of that, and our life together has been a road of continued blessing.
We pray that is also your experience. We, so I too, love you all.
However, in this case, ever since we have gotten married, we have been in a kind of flux about our church home. When it works, it is clear and obvious. When there are questions and disagreements, it is clear and obvious. We had a church home, we spent quite some time working on finding a new home, then went back to our original church home.
We have wonderful friends there. The church is full of people we like, that have prayed fervently and frequently for us, and encouraged us personally in all ways. But, it was not fitting the union that we had become when we got married.
We searched and searched, many denominations, many kinds of services and many kinds of congregations. We tried small churches, big churches, modern services, traditional services, highly dogmatic churches and non-denominational churches. Nothing really fit us, in the union that we became when God called us to marry.
All of these places were good places, populated with good people serving the Lord in good ways. But, it is like many other aspects of life, you know it when you know it. We had started our search with only a couple of things off limits. We were not going to a Catholic Church, as God has not worked a miracle of forgiveness or reconciliation within me for that organization. And we were not going to C3. I had tried it when first I moved to North Carolina, and it had put me off.
So, to C3 we went. We found that the passion and energy were attractive to us. The music is loud, but music we both enjoy. (Hey, I am getting old, and I no longer enjoy turning it up to 11, and there is no Saint Tuppins, the patron saint of shoes) We were greeted by folks that made us at ease. We stood and worshipped, listened to inspiring teaching that touched us both.
We have prayed about it for the better part of 2 weeks. We have discussed it. Finally, I figured that the Holy Spirit would make it clear to me today. I would go and listen to the Discovery program, which is the introductory class that they hold, and I would know. Pastor Matt and his wife were not there, they are in Africa breaking ground on a church plant there. But, even through the video that outlined what the church stood for, believed, taught and expected, I felt convicted.
It sunk deeply into me. Not that I had not heard these same things in other churches, nor that I had never had a close relationship with the Lord. The heavens did not open, nor did the hosts sing. But, it touched me about subjects that have been concerning me. It said things that I believe from my study and my inspiration from the spirit. More importantly, as we drove home, we had both been convicted by the same things in the message for the same reasons.
We felt confident, and sure. If you are not a Christian, you may not understand what I am relating here. But, it has always been my experience that the Holy Spirit communicated directly with me, in messages that were much clearer than the Father or the Son. I have never heard the voice of God, but I have received the Word and instruction of God. In this case, I did deeply. And, I am not going to doubt or wonder.
We are excited, enthused and at peace. Nothing wrong or bad happened to us at our previous church. The people were not rude or abusive to us. The teaching was not inaccurate or at odds with my beliefs. The Pastor of that church is a very, very dear friend of mine, and a convicted man of God that I respect deeply.
But, when you marry, you are no longer only you. You become a part of the union that we are taught is one flesh, one in the presence of God. A church home has to be right and be engaging to both parts of that union of a marriage. And, when you find it, is clear and evident. I pray every day that God continues to make me the man I should be to be the spiritual head and leader of this family, and the competent, supportive and encouraging partner my wife needs. We concluded together that this is where we intend to root and grow the tree that represents our faith journey.
To do that, I have chosen to be baptized again. C3 recognizes immersion as an "adult" as the true baptism. I will need the ministerial staff to help me with why that is Biblical, as I was baptized as a baby, and confirmed in my faith in 8th grade. However, I intend to do it, to affirm my dedication. Sometimes you have to trust in faith, before you find in fact.
I will be inviting our friends to attend and be with Katrina and I when this happens. I don't know when yet. But, it is a very big step, this decision and commitment that we made together tonight. And I want that to be evident in my life and my actions. I also want to share the joy and promise of the Baptism I partake of, with the people that I love.
So, tonight, for no reason that relates to the date, God did something monumental in Trina and I's life. We have friends that we have been praying for that found out yesterday were expecting a child. We had good news from one of our kids about finding the job that he has wanted and worked for. One of our other kids is being pursued by two different organizations for the career that he has worked diligently for years to realize.
God is very, very good. Malachi 3:10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse....Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.
This is usually associated with tithing and money/treasure. But it also applies to love and faith. If you offer your first fruit to the Lord, and share the Lord, His message, and His peace, you will be rewarded with the answered prayers, hopes and desires that are dearest to your heart. Trina and I are clear example of that, and our life together has been a road of continued blessing.
We pray that is also your experience. We, so I too, love you all.
Friday, July 17, 2015
I almost passed out.
I try not to post a lot of stuff about my own, personal condition. It always sounds like whining when I am whining and I have not figured out how to fix that. But, today, what is really on my mind is my personal, physical condition.
I have come to realize that I did not think this whole getting older thing through, at any point previously. I am going to rejoice, praising the Lord when He calls me home. But, while that will be much better than this life here, I also believe that you are supposed to live happy and rest and trust in the Lord.
So, I am not sorry to see myself manage additional birthdays. What I am is pissed off. I don't know about any of the rest of you, but I did not believe any of the old people that told me getting old sucked. And none of them managed to make me understand them. Honestly, I think there is a shocking issue with work ethic here. This was important, and it just did not get done.
Now, I am in it, with no getting out of it. Pretty ridiculous process too. Time passes and crap just happens to you, for no good reason. I mean, I did not kick a puppy or rob a church. My knee just broke cause it broke. How fair is that? And, how do you avoid the other stuff coming? There is nothing fair about this, which confirms what I have told my children over and over. The only fair in this world is the one that has livestock shows and blue ribbons. Why couldn't I have been wrong about that?
You know what else, it is fricking painful. Look, I am not Superman, no really, I am not. I am also not bionic. So when they cut into my leg and used a block and tackle to string a chain through the bones in my leg, it plain hurts. Non stop. What kind of deal is that? For what my insurance carrier paid for this, I should be hearing that Bionic Man music every time I get up. Instead I am hearing crappy German opera music, or my screaming, I always confuse the two. The pills are not pain killers.
Let's set this record straight, right here, right now. These things don't KILL the pain. No, they make you crazy stupid high so that you don't care about the pain. That mess is still just a big ole pile of painful, but you look at it and shrug. You think to yourself, "Dude, when your prescription runs out, and you care, it is going to suck." It already sucks. And save me the whole sob story about how much worse it was back in the day. Just shut that up right now, and think about why you did not tell me AHEAD OF TIME.
I almost passed out today at the doctor. What shreds of delusional masculline "toughness" I mmight have possessed at one point is just gone. It was not that it made me queasy, or grossed me out. It really was not that bad looking. But, one of the stitches that was ready to come out disagreed strongly with the PA that pronounced it ready to come out. When the nurse goes to get the PA because she can't get it out, just leave it in for a few more days. I am telling you AHEAD OF TIME. Make another appointment. Trust me.
It also was terrifying. When that nurse grabbed my foot to reposition my leg, with all of the bandages removed, I got terrified. I mean to tell you, it would have been possible for that petite and cheerful person to wring my foot off of my leg. Nothing in my knee had enough structure to even make it challenging for her. Oh, and let me say that I also have realized that nerves run through your knee area. I am not into anatomy, but I am positive it is true. The pain from rotating that foot millimeters was at the level I imagine castration without anesthesia to be.
So, I got faint. Like a 4 year old girl, and being old, I couldn't even play it off. "I am fine." I scoffed with a snort. My wife, the nurse and the PA then described the state of my color, the gigantic beads of sweat rolling down my face, and the more than usual vacant stare. You know what I did? You know what this broken, degraded and miserable body responded to that challenge with? I collapsed back onto the exam table like Scarlett OHara onto a fainting couch. I folded like laundry. It was pitiful, just pitiful.
I am old, in pain, collapsed on my butt like a little baby, and staring at the ceiling wondering if a bright light will appear. Melodramatic? Screw you, I am doing a public service. Don't ignore me, getting old is horrible. Do it slowly and with purpose.
I mean it, that game of football, in the sand, that was supposed to be touch, but ended up being the Pro Bowl, yeah, that will not be funny in 20 years. Your knee swelled up like a basketball, yeah, it is not healed because the swelling goes down. That clicking noise your joint is making, yeah, it is not a good sign. That mileage you ran, just to run, yeah, it looked the same as it would riding in your car.
Take care of yourself. I mean it. This is just ridiculous. Nothing in the Bible warns you about getting tangled up with Orthopaedic doctors or chiropractors. It is a serious omission. Dealing with them is invariably painful and long term in consequences. Be aware. Those old farts you laugh at, yeah, just laugh. Before you know it, you will be that old fart. Pain medicine is no substitute for not living in pain. It doesn't work that way.
I am hoping that you are all well. Cause not being well sucks. I did actually look better than Tom Cruise playing volleyball in the sand. That is what I have to show for laying here with 5 holes in my leg and rubber for muscles. It was not worth it. Cause, the guy playing with me, Goose, yeah, he wasn't even any good. We lost every game.
Love you all.
I have come to realize that I did not think this whole getting older thing through, at any point previously. I am going to rejoice, praising the Lord when He calls me home. But, while that will be much better than this life here, I also believe that you are supposed to live happy and rest and trust in the Lord.
So, I am not sorry to see myself manage additional birthdays. What I am is pissed off. I don't know about any of the rest of you, but I did not believe any of the old people that told me getting old sucked. And none of them managed to make me understand them. Honestly, I think there is a shocking issue with work ethic here. This was important, and it just did not get done.
Now, I am in it, with no getting out of it. Pretty ridiculous process too. Time passes and crap just happens to you, for no good reason. I mean, I did not kick a puppy or rob a church. My knee just broke cause it broke. How fair is that? And, how do you avoid the other stuff coming? There is nothing fair about this, which confirms what I have told my children over and over. The only fair in this world is the one that has livestock shows and blue ribbons. Why couldn't I have been wrong about that?
You know what else, it is fricking painful. Look, I am not Superman, no really, I am not. I am also not bionic. So when they cut into my leg and used a block and tackle to string a chain through the bones in my leg, it plain hurts. Non stop. What kind of deal is that? For what my insurance carrier paid for this, I should be hearing that Bionic Man music every time I get up. Instead I am hearing crappy German opera music, or my screaming, I always confuse the two. The pills are not pain killers.
Let's set this record straight, right here, right now. These things don't KILL the pain. No, they make you crazy stupid high so that you don't care about the pain. That mess is still just a big ole pile of painful, but you look at it and shrug. You think to yourself, "Dude, when your prescription runs out, and you care, it is going to suck." It already sucks. And save me the whole sob story about how much worse it was back in the day. Just shut that up right now, and think about why you did not tell me AHEAD OF TIME.
I almost passed out today at the doctor. What shreds of delusional masculline "toughness" I mmight have possessed at one point is just gone. It was not that it made me queasy, or grossed me out. It really was not that bad looking. But, one of the stitches that was ready to come out disagreed strongly with the PA that pronounced it ready to come out. When the nurse goes to get the PA because she can't get it out, just leave it in for a few more days. I am telling you AHEAD OF TIME. Make another appointment. Trust me.
It also was terrifying. When that nurse grabbed my foot to reposition my leg, with all of the bandages removed, I got terrified. I mean to tell you, it would have been possible for that petite and cheerful person to wring my foot off of my leg. Nothing in my knee had enough structure to even make it challenging for her. Oh, and let me say that I also have realized that nerves run through your knee area. I am not into anatomy, but I am positive it is true. The pain from rotating that foot millimeters was at the level I imagine castration without anesthesia to be.
So, I got faint. Like a 4 year old girl, and being old, I couldn't even play it off. "I am fine." I scoffed with a snort. My wife, the nurse and the PA then described the state of my color, the gigantic beads of sweat rolling down my face, and the more than usual vacant stare. You know what I did? You know what this broken, degraded and miserable body responded to that challenge with? I collapsed back onto the exam table like Scarlett OHara onto a fainting couch. I folded like laundry. It was pitiful, just pitiful.
I am old, in pain, collapsed on my butt like a little baby, and staring at the ceiling wondering if a bright light will appear. Melodramatic? Screw you, I am doing a public service. Don't ignore me, getting old is horrible. Do it slowly and with purpose.
I mean it, that game of football, in the sand, that was supposed to be touch, but ended up being the Pro Bowl, yeah, that will not be funny in 20 years. Your knee swelled up like a basketball, yeah, it is not healed because the swelling goes down. That clicking noise your joint is making, yeah, it is not a good sign. That mileage you ran, just to run, yeah, it looked the same as it would riding in your car.
Take care of yourself. I mean it. This is just ridiculous. Nothing in the Bible warns you about getting tangled up with Orthopaedic doctors or chiropractors. It is a serious omission. Dealing with them is invariably painful and long term in consequences. Be aware. Those old farts you laugh at, yeah, just laugh. Before you know it, you will be that old fart. Pain medicine is no substitute for not living in pain. It doesn't work that way.
I am hoping that you are all well. Cause not being well sucks. I did actually look better than Tom Cruise playing volleyball in the sand. That is what I have to show for laying here with 5 holes in my leg and rubber for muscles. It was not worth it. Cause, the guy playing with me, Goose, yeah, he wasn't even any good. We lost every game.
Love you all.
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