Everything hurts today. I used to say that, and not really mean it. Now, I say it because it is so true. When the weather turns damp and cold, I get the weary drismals. My joints hurt and my comfort level goes down significantly. No, it is not a disability, nor is it insurmountable.
But, it leads me to not like the cold weather. I have had a thing against snow since the Navy sentenced me to Idaho. I despised that place. The only two good days we had there were the days the children were born. The whole family was gone visiting when the Navy suddenly transferred us out, so that was not even a good day in Idaho for the family. It was only a good day for me. If you are from Idaho, I am sorry.
But, I always could tolerate the cold fairly well. I have always preferred warm weather and warm weather pursuits, but the cold was just something you got through. As I have gotten older, and unfortunately, frailer, it is less about tolerating it, and more about surviving it.
I once asked a doctor how do you know you have arthritis? He asked me if my joints hurt. I said yes. He said, then you have arthritis, and nothing in science can any more accurately diagnose you than that. I don't know if that is still true, we have since landed a space craft on a comet and created Christmas lights that don't all go out when one blows. We might be way past the figuring out stage for it.
But, based on my current level of knowledge, I have arthritis. So do you probably, by that diagnostic technique. I sympathize, and hope that yours feels better than mine today. If it does not, hot tea with honey, Celebrex, and a shot or two of Jameson's in the tea usually helps even it out a bit for me.
Did not mean to write a medical treatise tonight. Most of this was intended to be a non-whiny complaint that life gets less easy as you get older. I most emphatically do not regret getting older. I can assure you that the alternative is less attractive to me. I got stuff to do. I mean, when Jesus calls me home, I know where I am going, and I will not argue with the call. That, however, does not mean I expect it today, and I have a very loving wife and family that I want time with. Maybe even grandkids to see, that kind of thing.
But, the reality of being Joe means that comes with its own challenge. For example, arthritis, for another there are serious issues with chest colds/infections/bronchitis. I can not honestly tell you that I remember what a day feels like where my eyes and chest do not hurt. I was diagnosed with my condition in 1994, and have lived with the effects of that condition every day since. My effects are very minimal, all things considered, please do not think that I am complaining. It is not more than I can bear, nor significant compared to what many people deal with every day.
But, I can say that what Paul writes in 2 Corinthians about a thorn in his flesh resonates with me. I have prayed and prayed for God to heal me. I thought you were supposed to do that. I have struggled with why God did not just heal me. I mean I did it all right, said the prayer just like I intended, believed on it, the whole nine yards. Why is it I have to have eye surgery at my age? Why is it that if I get a cold, I am going to have to go through bronchitis before I get out the other side? Why is it that a healthy day for me does not look like a healthy day for anyone on TV, or out running around?
Mostly, I suppose that is because I am not them, and they are not me. Mostly, I suppose that I am already better off than the vast majority of the world population because I live in America, I have health insurance, and I have a very good job in terms of financial reward. I need nothing I do not have immediately at hand, within sight of me at this very moment. I could make a list of unachieved wants, but I could not list a single unmet need.
No one knows what thorn Paul had, except God. God answered Paul, and made it okay. It wasn't about healing, it was about changing Paul's parameters. God has answered me as well. I prayed for healing for years, and it did not work. I was wrong. I started praying to be the instrument of God's will, whatever that was, and it has worked amazingly well.
I am actually less healthy overall, just a by-product of years of the treatments. But, I have had all my needs met, I have a life full of love and caring, and I am much more aware of what God does in me and through me. I would not trade one day of my life today, at my level of health and ability, for a year of that healing I had been praying for. Being healthier, but feeling less close to God and less the man I was intended to be, is no trade I would make.
So, on days like today, I still wake up and have to sigh. I know what it takes to get me through these days. It could be easier, it could require less acceptance and belief. I still recognize the reality, and know what it translates to, in term of effort. That is part of being human. It is not all roses and sunshine, and when it isn't, it hurts.
I try not to let that discourage me. Sometimes, it does. It hurt my feelings that after I had been through eye surgery, I did not get all the vision back in my eye. I am still praying over that one, because I was hoping. I got a tremendous amount of it back and I am tremendously blessed to live in a place and time that it could happen at all. But, it did not pluck the thorn away.
And in my weakness, God's love is made perfect. I will see Him completely and clearly, there are no glasses in Heaven, and I will not see Him, this side of that curtain. So do I need perfect vision, or was my need to get enough back I was safe to drive, and to read and to do all my normal activities? After some reflection and pity time, I realize I got what I needed. I always have. I am happy with that, not just satisfied. God did not have to do that much for me, and should not have done what He did, if my behavior and worthiness is any yardstick.
So, on a rainy day, even though I sometimes wake up feeling put upon and out of sorts, I am waking up to a beautiful life of blessings and the perfection of God's love, shining all through my life. I hope that you find that to be true as well on your rainy days. I wish we did not have "rainy" days, but I pray we all have days we can sustain and enjoy. It might rain, it might be sunny, but it is always lived in the palm of God's hand.
Now I am going to go see if I have something stronger than Celebrex, or if I need to add more Jameson's to the tea. It hurts, and I don't believe God intends things to hurt, for us to get what He is saying. He made the guy that invented the good pain pills smart enough to do it, on purpose. He also made that Irish guy pretty good at the distillery thing as well.
I love you all.
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